i'm scared to break up with my girlfriend

He also wants me to study and supports me a lot. The longer you drag this out, the more of a disservice you are doing to her. I know I love him and I dont want to lose him but sometimes I feel like I dont love him. Jeffs breakup was amicable, and in line with the mutual breakup I talk about here. Again talk and tell them what happened. Really see if anything has changed within the relationship, for example, have you passed the honeymoon stage? After about the 6 month mark my mind continued to convince me I didnt, and the underlying complications in the relationship eventually caused us to split. Most important, be able to compromise. It feels too open a relationship for my liking. I spoke to him openly about it and am going to therapy. Lets be true to ourselves and personal beliefs! Ive been with my partner 10 months now. Please! How do you differentiate between ROCD and Relationship Anxiety? You already made the decision to break up with her. Sometimes I feel like hes trying like hes trying to forget me when we are not together. Good luck my friend. I also met what seems to be the love of my life for the first time believing that I do deserve to be loved and wanted and married, not #foreveralone and hes in the UK while Im in America. I now take Welbutrin and prozac to help with my depression and anxiety over the thoughts. Riya I think you should tell him about your anxiety and fear if he , if he reacts badly .. It will completely distort reality and undermine our own strength and resilience. Some help and advice would be amazing and would really help, im a young male who gets panicked and anxious about my girlfriend getting hurt or into a sexual situation when she goes out to parties. We all have a history. I was in a very loving relationship that was great until one day she broke up with me for no apparent reason (she wanted to see if she could do it). I know this is probably not true and I am trying so hard to keep myself from either becoming too clingy or becoming aloof and im struggling to find a balance. Ive been surfing the internet looking for solutions. Okay so a little back story. I am overthinking everything and its giving me so much anxiety! Theres also a small percentage of women who will try to use sex to stop the breakup. Ive broken up with him a couple of times but we always get back together. I used to work with abused women. I dont know what to say or how to behave when i meet her ..i am just so extremely conscious and insecure Im doing much better now and so is my relationship because were both putting in the effort. After the deed is done, you have one last kindness to pay her. Hi Put simply, falling in love challenges us in numerous ways we dont expect. We may act out by being aloof, distant or guarded. To be more specific, I was dumped because of the behavior my mental illness was causing, and the strain it took on our relationship. At its worst, our anxiety can even push us to give up on love altogether. welcome to the club, Im in a 9 year (marriage and relationship) and I have the same feelings as you Susan. I'll call her Lanie, which is not her real name. Its your need to feel secure. My first year with my boyfriend i had no anxiety, but suddenly as our first year anniversary approached the negative what if i dont love him what if I lost feelings for him? thoughts started to appear. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I came out of 2 abusive relationships, my last extremely verbal and emotionally abusive. and our Even if I like them too. When you fear that she'll run into the arms of another guy, you start acting jealous. A healthy relationship should have its up and downs, not only its downs. You have to give room and space for the relationship to grow, you cannot smoother the relationship. Hi I have had a thing with one guy now 1week we too have much in common but I got very bad anxiety and I feel ill and it aches everywhere, I think I need to stop this thing with him he was everything I wanted, I told him about my anxiety and fears but he just got angry and told me things that annoyed him in me, so my anxiety got even worse he still wants to be with me I think and cares for me but sometimes I even get anxiety when he messages to me, I fell like going crazy and im afraid that this feeling is not gonna go away even if I stop this thing, I just wanna know where this come from what is the cause and why he triggers my anxiety or this. I am in a 2years & few months relationship I love love her so much that she means everything to me & and I always feel so insecure . Thank you . I started taking prozac 2 years ago and its helped but only to a certian extend. tl;dr I dont know if I should break up with my boyfriend because Im scared to hurt him. Privacy Policy. Hey there Lauren, I am currently going through the same situation as you! So I dont think I am going off him at all, it is more anxieties in my brain creating this idea. After the second time hanging out, I suddenly got incredibly anxious ever since. I been with this guy for a week, it may seem fast but it been so hard. I still felt love for her then, and was positive that she might get better, but now I feel like she's never going to change. Being single is fun, but being in a loving relationship is too. Hi I just met a guy for 4 months and recently we became bf and gf. Why did you leave? I'm Coach Jack, the owner and founder of Men's Breakup. All rights reserved. I have lots of love, I show him so much affection and attention. I dunno, like if shes not around I worry if shes getting hit on by guys, or hitting on guys or giving guys the wrong impressions. I so afraid os messing something up thats so good. a great detailed article. Can you really believe her? I dont know. Also, his way of handling money makes me uneasy which makes me worry about how we should merge our finances and also his personal debt in our life. If she had to leave she wouldnt have waited this long. Relationships are supposed to be formed to benefit both people in them because both people want them. Cookie Notice Should I Break Up With My High School Sweetheart? A.W. I said if I could just see he outside of work tonight he gave me a sense of calm no dramawork was drama tonight and my adult son and me get into fights I didnt want to go home he said no landlord dog wakes everyone up. Its basically where you get a character and describe to one another, like writing a book, what you are doing. I can only assume it is from my dad having cheated on my Mum for about 10years from when I was a teen, before she found out (i knew but wasnt able to disclose). Kicks in. Fear Of Breaking Up With Someone: How To Get Over It - Chatelaine 7 Reasons You Can't Break Up with Someone Even if You Know You Should You're second-guessing and self-editing. . He has his own issues he needs to work out. It isnt crippling however it tends to beat me down in ways that recently I have been having a hard time coming back from . For one thing, comforting her is going to make getting your point across quickly take more time, which is going to make it harder on you. I dont feel like I can talk to him about my feelings as it hasnt been all that long since ive started seeing him, however he has shown me more affection towards me then anyone else ever has and I dont want to loose him. Please help ? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I acknolwedge its a hobby she loves, and I dont want to alienate her and I honestly want to let her do the roleplays, but I get so anxious about it and feel so betrayed that I dont know if I could manage. I'm terrified to break up with my boyfriend : r/relationships - Reddit Ha. During that time she got in a car accident, and has been unable to drive since. People please do not abandon yourself when you get in a relationship, you are important too! My belief is that romantic love is a myth and I embrace the feminist ideology that it was created to subjugate women. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. He was honest from the day we first got together that its very complicated and that his family wouldnt except him being with me as Im not Nigerian and he didnt know if he could live happily without his families acceptance. The defenses we form and critical voices we hear are based on our own unique experiences and adaptations. I am 20 and so is he, we are both working and college students. But just as i mentiomed earlier bout the responsibilities i think thats what is holding me back.Advice, I have been married 3 times and getting married again in 248 days but Im beginning to be very paranoid and anxious. You know you like it and you can't say no. By the sounds of it I do suffer from anxiety. His behavior shows a lack of emotional maturity & intelligence which is required for a healthy relationship. But not without its lows. I also have a phobia of sex (and often a very strong phobia, to the extent that I have spent a great deal crying over sexual feelings Ive had). It feels like Im in deep water trying to swim to the light but keep sinking in. This guy does literally nothing for you in the excitement department. Just to have someone end something so abruptly like this, leaves me wondering what the heck?? Always seeking constant attention if he doesnt call or text I will suspect and think he doesnt care. I feel like I pushed him away. Our issues are alike i am from Nigeria and anxiety and insecurity is what drove me here, i have searching and searching, i like this girl and she does like me too, we have been texting and i told her she should be my gf she said yes and i also told her we should hangout and she agreed but the problem in my part is shes way taller but i like her that way and she does too but i am just so insecure and scared and i havent really been on a date He is in the states and I am in the UK. I need to stop these irrational fears of mine, no matter how rational they feel at the time. I feel like I need to get out of this relationship. She also has really strong emotional attatchments, and i'm afraid that she would get herself hurt if I ended the relationship with her, or just be really hard on herself. Its better to walk away right now if u have a quite wholesome.idea that he isnt truly with u, continuing with him may lead u to severe anxiety further. I told him about it from the very beginning and i love him so veery much and never want to lose him but I still get these feelings. And hhe is jealous and overprotective and sometimes I sense fear, When Im with him Im scared Im scared that Ill loose him Im so scared that I wont matter as much to him and I have this fear in my eyes that he could walk away in any moment Sometimes I start to doubt his love for me so many stuff go in my head I try to brush it of we just go back together and I feel like he already lost feelings Also it scares me that I dont know what hes thinking or feeling towards me and everything that he says could me a massive lie I dont know what to do. I get really bad anxiety when my girlfriend goes out with her friends. I constantly keep on thinking that I was just an option and not an exception. Nothing good comes easy. (I dont have anxiety in any other area of my life). recently ive been very anxious that my bf will leave me. All rights reserved. Right now I feel like im relapsing into a dark place. I have talk to her about this but feel so bad! Dont stay with her just because you feel guilty about how shes going to handle it. It takes time to be comfortable with someone, and since its been 2 months he thinks that by now I should be, but we barely see each other and I feel like thats also one factor. Im still getting the hang of it, i dont know how it feels like to have someone care for you, nor be a girlfriend. Do you really want to be bonding with the girlfriend youre trying to break up with? The Latest Why Is Honesty So Important in a Relationship? What critical inner voices are exacerbating our fears? I really loved this guy he everything I wanted. But recently Ive met this guy and weve talked and such. She has made me unfollow about 100 people on Instagram, mostly girls, many of whom are friends that I've known for a number of years now. I have always experienced a little anxiety with this man when he goes out of town for work. Figure out what makes you happy and realize that no other person can do this for you. I have also had to deal with these same insecurities. I suggest to try to talk to him about the issue, it will ease your anxiety. You will always worry until you first tell her about it. I love him but im suffering. I kept calling and messaging all the time.I accused him if seeing another personhe said they were friends and he had built a life when we werent together. Today i decided to look up why i am feeling the way i do and i had no idea romantic anxiety was a thing for a minute i thought i was going crazy but seeing your alls storys has helped me a bit and i will not ruin my relationship because of this. weve only been dating for almost 3 months and im starting to get scared that he will also do the same thing that my ex did to me. I feel like I am, but for so long Ive felt uncomfortable with it, my ideal relationship is one in which we only do anything romantic or sexual whether online or offline with one another. I cant turn off my mind:-(. Aug 22, 2019 A few years ago, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my mental illness. Im 16 and had this same issue with my last relationship. He is very kind and very different than my ex who didnt like my family or friends and tried to get me to stop talking to them really. I want him to be more affectionate and more available, but hes just not affectionate and he has work and school and friends and family to occupy most of his time. I'm scared to break up with her in case she does anything. does relationship anxiety ever go away??? It still crosses my mind and Im terrified that Im feeling this way. Er no I dont think so then the explanations dont fit ? I am devastated. I saw him again after all this time as I was about get a divorce. Because I have been in love with this man for 20 years, he may not reciprocate the way I want him to, but we still spend 2 days a week together, every week. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS LADIES! Any help would be GREATLY APPRECIATED, The best thing to do is to talk to her. We also met in March and fell in love over FaceTime. I thin everyone deserves someone who understands or tryes to understand them, then you get your answer from him, Im kind of same kind of situation but I told him little allready. The critical inner voice is a term used to describe the mean coach we all have in our heads that criticizes us, feeds us bad advice and fuels our fear of intimacy. Privacy Policy. If you have these thoughts they are warning you. I kept emailing her and she just said leave me alone and I never want to see or hear from you ever again and that resulted in two police visits now asking me to stop contacting her. Ive never been in a relationship. Also when you are so overly attached it is hard to think clearly. Relationship anxiety refers to those feelings of worry, insecurity, and doubt that can pop up in a relationship, even if everything is going relatively well. I have seriously thought about breaking up with her but I am genuinely afraid of what will happen, she has mental health problems and I have tried to convince her to get help but she constantly refuses, she has attempted suicide before and I am genuinely worried about what will happen to her if I end this relationship. I had set myself a deadline for this weekend to end it so that she has time to find an apartment and get ready, but I've been getting panic attacks at the thought of it. Ive never been in a relationship before im 17 and a boy asked me out it makes me so uncomfortable to think about that because i dont know how to do a relationship and it scares me bc hes had many before and idk what to do. Someone please help. Barbara Neitlich, licensed clinical social worker and author of Stop Dating Like a Teenager, termed this phenomenon as "dumper's remorse" in an interview with Glamour . In the positive x Relationships are very very tricky especially if one or both have been totally devastated by previous partners even worse if they have been betrayed!! I know he works as much as he does to support us, give us cushion in life, so why cant my mind seem to grasp that? I know this isnt me I know Im better than this but Im just stuck in this deep hole trying to climb out but every time I try to climb out something just yanks me back down. You wont feel like youve got a ton of pent up nervous energy ahead of time. Sorry for the novel of a postas you can tell I am having an anxiety induced crazy episode. One, the massive shot of dopamine to the brain helps you relax your nerves. Effort should also not be something that should be constant. I know she is willing to work through this with me so I dont plan to leave her, and I dont think I would leave her if she continued the roleplays I think Id just have a hard time emotionally. Get out before you get hurt." This critical inner voice makes us turn against ourselves and the people close to us. and said I betrayed her. Goodnight. But, deep down I know whats coming. He's a door knob. So I imagine interesting kinky past thoughts of exes and things Ive seen in my head to spice things up and I think of them during the duration of sex to get myself going. We recently got back together after not talking for 2 months. Brian May - I'm Scared Lyrics | AZLyrics.com Someone please help. It all started overand dont laughwhen I went over to my new boyfriends after we went for dinner, and found that he had washed his bedding. Id thought, sure he will see how much Im in love with h and one day he will love me just as much back. It influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. I had issues with people close to me leaving me or not wanting to deal with me (my parents, close family, and people) so I naturally get clingy especially because my boyfriend has been busy. It was one of my biggest fears come true, to be "too much to handle" in a relationship. They all have an expiration date. It could be daddy issues but whatever it is i dont want it. Now Im not here to tell you that you should stay with her or that you need to leave. My guy got a new job so hes been super busy but hes got new buddies he hangs with after work every night. Dont make excuses for your sake or for hers. The kind of feeling am having is something Ive not felt for the past five years. Wait a moment and try again. She won't let me eat/drink certain things. What can I do to get myself to do it? What defenses do we possess that could be creating distance? Your most authoritative news analysis show, News File is live with Samson Lardy Anyenini. Im petrified that Im going to make myself as miserable as I did when I was with my first boyfriend and destroy the relationship. You took a break, and it taught you that yes, you do not want to be with him. How can we keep our anxiety in check and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to someone we love? Ive been with my partner on and off for 6 years and got married June of 2021. Going no-contact will also give her the time and space to get over you. Simon, is there a specific book for relationship anxiety by rob kelly? Are you/ is he becoming more independent than you once/ he once was? Having financial security is very big deal to me because Ive been very responsible in handling money at a very young age, since I was brought up that way. Hi there, I have been going through the exact same situation down to every word for the last 2 years. Dear Julia, About six weeks before last year's shutdown, I met a woman. For some time I feel like Im in love with him and others I just feel like Im not! He said that hell hold on a little bit longer until Im better and that he wont give up on us. Anxiety is a condition, and regardless of your insights on romance which for me is one of the best abilities of the human race one should seek help and not subjugate themselves to his conditions and give up on love. At times she's said she it's just day dreaming or that shes joking, but shes floated ideas like "if there isn't a ring by the end of college whats the point" or shes daydreamed about living together. I came clean fairly early in the relationship and tried to explain this to her, that it didnt feel monogomous, that I felt uncomfortable and that I wanted her to stop. I just feel so alone now, getting divorced and now this. If I wait for him to get back on his feet, there might be a chance that Ill be in high risk pregnancy when we decide to start a family. I recently accepted that I have quite a bad case of anxiety, when in a committed relationship. I liked this article and this was really useful. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Or if he and I keep dating, how do I fix myself so I dont fall back into this self-destructive path? Just remember to persevere. She was having issues at work about it being messy and complained to main boss, the main boss was coming to do a surprise visit, when my friend got to work the supervisor said to her oh by the way Big boss is coming today. He could do something small like give me a look or sigh and my mind will already be in gear coming up with thoughts like he thinks Im boring or he doesnt want me anymore. Oftentimes, abusive people start first with emotional abuse and later become physically abusive once theyve broken you down. Find a hobby and go for it. We disagree on things all the time and it's driving me nuts. I am in a 3yr long relationship. My husband works a very hard shift (rotate) which means we have very little time together.. i find myself wondering if he will find someone else, if I dont do enough, make enough money. I was in a brand new relationship, that just started on January 2nd, 2022. purely friendship, but there were definitely feelings on both sides. I suggest reading up on what makes for a healthy and happy mutual loving relationship. This critical inner voice makes us turn against ourselves and the people close to us. Doing these will also take some of the pressure off you as well, because youll be walking into battle with a tried and true game plan. So make the hard choice. You fell in love with this person for a reason, dont lose sight of that! How to have a good sleep even with a sweet relationship that excites me? So tell them whats upsetting you then did they respond ? Twelve years.. its a long time. This is my first relationship, Ive gone on dates before but it wasnt special. I am currently going through a relationship anxiety. Learn more strategies for overcoming relationship anxiety in ourWebinar with Dr. Lisa Firestone:Understanding and Overcoming Relationship Anxiety. I do not know what to do I cry everyday.. *never reacted to it and tried to do something about it.

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