how to deal with difficult coworkers at work

Can Beetroot Powder Improve Athletic Performance? A person can become irritable, aggressive, intolerant, and noncommunicative for a number of both internal and external reasons, including: Author Natasha Bowman, JD, SPHR, noticed that her behavior changed as she dealt with the responses of family members and friends to her bipolar diagnosis. To break out of that mental model, instead imagine that there are not two but three entities in the situation: you, your colleague, and the dynamic between you. No workplace is without difficult co-workers. When youre at your wits end with a challenging colleague and it feels like youve tried everything, well-meaning friends and coworkers may tell you to just ignore it or to suck it up and move on with your life. So how can we return to our best selves? They complete their work, but only just, and they thrive on doing the bare minimum. How To Deal With Difficult Coworkers In A Productive Way But because that isnt always possible, self-care is pivotal.. How can you interrupt those biases? If you dont find healthy ways to cope, you may begin feeling isolated and depressed. It can be easy to get sucked in.. Low Heart Rate: What It Is and When to Worry. Find the answers. They may learn to trust you and be more inclined to hear your ideas. Keep in mind that a part of the problem may also be your boss. Avoiding these common tactics will prevent you from making things worse. If you overcome the conflict, what will be different? Gaslighters create a fictitious version of what others think of you, so knowing what people really think is critical. Confrontation will be necessary, but theres an art to confronting a Micromanager. By Amanda Covaleski Mar. You should discern if youre dealing with a coworker who is uncooperative, lazy, or downright mean. While a better understanding of the root of their behavior doesnt erase your frustration, it can help you with techniques to deal with difficult people. Another surveyof 2,000 U.S. workersindicated that their top source of tension on the job was relationships. Practical Tips To Deal With a Difficult Coworker Scenario 1: Someone from a different section is making your life miserable. Advertising on our site helps support our mission. After a while, the negativity can be grating. The good news? This can only make life more stressful than before. She explained that they had a very hierarchical culture and were having trouble getting people to speak up, especially with ideas that challenged the status quo. BetterUp and Microsoft partner to drive peak performance and well-being for millions through unique Viva experience. Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Youve done everything you can, but your co-worker continues to gossip or bully (or both! Despite its bad rap, research shows, gossip can play an important role in bonding with coworkers. All Rights Reserved. What can you do to improve things now, instead of waiting for someone else to change? Speak to them privately. Interpersonal conflicts are common in the workplace, and it's easy to get caught up in them. If someone is yelling at you, being rude, or even threatening, its hard to remain calm. Most people dont like tension or confrontation, so it probably feels way outside of your comfort zone to set physical and emotional boundaries. Be clear about your boundaries and communicate them assertively. Take Andre, who was struggling with his colleague Emilia. Occasional missteps are painted as an inherent trait, and the Michael is difficult storyline becomes entrenched. Be selective with the information you share; trust is earned, notes Dr. Galasso. Create a work plan and, when challenged, remind this person that you are on track. But there are quite a few tactics that are less productive that we sometimes gravitate toward because we think theyll help us feel better, when in actuality, they often backfire. This person can help connect you to other power players in the company. These are people who are often with you day in and day out. Outside of the above scenarios, here are some general ways to stay sane around a difficult coworker. (6) Experiment with behavior change to find out what will improve the situation. For many employees, its a serious enough issue that it causes a problematic work environment that prompts the search for a new job. How to Deal With Difficult Coworkers (With Examples) Her assumptions about what could get done in a day were wildly unreasonable. Solution: This is a case where its more productive to focus on yourself. This feels familiar, but what have I missed in the past? What do you want for yourself? The biggest giveaway of a Kiss-Up is their tendency to simultaneously Kick-Down. But beware this behavior is subtle. And retaliation often makes you look bad. You intensify the feeling of being on opposing sides rather than giving the dynamic a chance to change. Interview Question: "Tell Me How You Handled a Difficult Situation That helped him view her as a collaborator rather than an adversary. A version of this article appeared in the, From the Magazine (SeptemberOctober 2022), Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People). Your dream that your difficult coworker will walk out the door may come true, but theres no guarantee that the culture will shift or that youll get along with their replacement. Empathy and understanding are two of the most vital skills for working with difficult coworkers. Here's an example answer from a candidate who didn't have access to their manager: Is it possible Im not seeing the situation clearly because Im making assumptions about this person, or unwilling to rethink my initial impression, or unconsciously focusing on our differences? You can also ask them to pitch a solution. (2) Be aware of and question any unconscious biases you may be harboring. If youre working on a small but important part of a large project, dont expect to see the whole thing come together. Its easy to demonize the person who causes us harm, but hating them only pits you against one another. The strategies you choose will depend on the context: who you are, who the other person is, the nature of your relationship, the norms and culture of your workplace, and so on. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. So think of problematic coworkers as colleagues with whom you share a problem to be solved. Focus on the Kiss-Ups specific behaviors toward you and others not on how this person makes you feel. Reappraise Negative Emotions. Lastly, during meetings, keep good records. Work is challenging for lots of reasons, but most of us have probably come to realize that what makes or break a professional experience is people - and . Small acts of leadership, like stepping up to spearhead a project or lead a presentation, will help establish your reputation as an authority figure among your team members. You should also try to find a social referent a colleague who is well-connected and knows a lot of people in your office or headquarters. Often its enough to focus on just having a functional relationshipgetting to a point where your skin doesnt crawl when Ethans name shows up in your in-box or youre not losing sleep at night because Marjorie is making your life miserable. Ultimately youre better off trying to create a workable situation with your colleague now. When someone's behavior makes it difficult for you to do your job, carry out your everyday duties, or maintain a healthy relationship with them, they can be defined as "difficult." Ranging from the words they say to their inability to work effectively with others, difficult people can drain you mentally, physically, and emotionally. Ultimately youre better off trying to create a workable situation with your colleague now than hoping things will improve if they leave. (3) View the conflict not as me-versus-them but as a problem to be jointly solved. Is there one teammate who always seems to have the latest scoop on everybody? Sutton warns that sometimes removing the bad apples does little to change the underlying issue, especially if your colleagues obnoxious behavior is validated by the organizational culture. And remember: even small improvements can make a big difference. Suppressing our emotions rarely helps. Let your manager know that you are constantly being challenged by your co-workers difficult behaviors and ask them to intervene.. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous. When dealing with difficult behavior, remember that their behavior says a lot about their character, not yours. But that can lead to reduced. Do you want to get a project over the finish line? These people like to steamroll over other peoples ideas. We begin to worry if were good enough to be here, if people like us, if were going to lose our job, Dr. Childs says. How To Deal With A Difficult Coworker (With Examples) - Zippia Instead, adopt a curious mindset and maintain hope that your troubled relationship can be improved. The first question to ask yourself is whether their behavior is directly affecting you. Ultimately, dealing with someone who is difficult can be an unpleasant, stress-inducing experience. However, research shows that practicing empathy can help foster a sense of connection. The Kiss-Up / Kick-Down: Reach out to well-connected or seasoned workers at your organization people who are aware of the office politics and reputations of other employees. These arent silver bullets that will magically transform your problem coworker into your best friend, but they should make your interactions more tolerable if not more positive. First, remember that managing these relationships is a vital part of office politics. Now what? Keep trying, tweaking, and refreshing experiments or abandoning ones that dont produce results. Dealing with difficult coworkers, bosses, customers, clients, and friends is a skill worth perfecting. In every area of life, youre bound to meet someone that you find challenging to be around. Some people love the spotlight but dont like working for it. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. You deserve peace of mind in your workplace. Not everyone sees things the same wayand thats OK. Innovative research featured in peer-reviewed journals, press, and more. View on-demand BetterUp events and learn about upcoming live discussions. Many fantasize about quitting dramatically. If you see that your boss is clearly enabling a Bulldozer, try approaching them privately. Common Stress Reactions - A Self-Assessment. Finally, consider exactly what you stand to gain from meeting the goals youve set out to achieve in a work relationship. First, they heighten the risk of confirmation bias. What behaviors are the most bothersome? Would you say the same things or treat that person the same way? Of course, there are also dangers to venting and gossiping. They are excellent at achieving benchmarks the boss cares about, but their true talent lies in the jobs they volunteer for. When Im dealing with someone who pushes my buttons, I often fantasize about sending an email to everyone who knows them, outing them as a jerk. From the Magazine (September-October 2022) Martina Paukova Summary. Solution: First of all, be kind and respectful. Keep a list of your accomplishments and share it with your manager to help them recognize your work before someone else takes credit for it. I could see the best in everyone. Before anything, check in with yourself 5 types of difficult coworkers How to deal with any kind of difficult coworker Everyone has a story about a difficult coworker. But doing so is necessary for tending to your mental health, especially in a toxic space. Prevent yourself from being bulldozed by learning how to hold the floor early on in a new role or organization. Determine whether interacting with the coworker at that time is a priority It works well to try and identify whether dealing with your colleague is a priority. Biases creep into all sorts of workplace interactions. Though each jerk differs in terms of behavior patterns, they all have one core psychological trait: They threaten your sense of certainty and control at work your ability to predict what your day-to-day looks like. Or if your pessimistic colleague is going to poke a zillion holes in your ideas, why shouldnt you take them down when they suggest something new? We might disagree on everything from whether its OK to be five minutes late to a meeting to acceptable ways of interrupting a colleague to the appropriate consequences for someone whos made a mistake. It raises it. Continuing to be kind and respectful, you can simply say, I actually enjoyed that meeting. If you dont echo their complaints, this difficult coworker will likely get bored and move onto the next person. Track your attempts at addressing this difficult situation. Using humor is great if it comes naturally to you. When you strike out with the first tactic (or several tactics) you choose, try something else or reach out for help. Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own. The atmosphere there can have a heavy toll on our mental and emotional health., We spend so much time at work that difficult colleagues can have an outsized negative impact on our quality of life. Discover how BetterUp measurably impacts key business outcomes for organizations like yours.

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